So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
