just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You pole danced in your parka.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
