Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize