Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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