But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
