Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
