the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
