Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
