YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
