Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
