I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just invented taco cereal.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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