So gin and wine won't be happening again
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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