I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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