I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
