i can't believe i had my finger in that
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
