her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
