the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So many bounce houses so little time
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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