my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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