girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's just like the Real World with babies
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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