I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
