Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
