Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
