he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
