If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
