yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
