No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
