; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh god it's open bar.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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