someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
