That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
