i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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