My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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