Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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