Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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