Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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