halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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