I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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