he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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