just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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