What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
