It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
