Just cropdusted the office
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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