SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Houston, we have a squirter
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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