dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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