I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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