If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
