worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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