im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize