i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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