This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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