he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
