here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm passing your future prison.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
