He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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