my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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