if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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