She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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