im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The adults are the big ones right?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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