So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
