my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
