i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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