I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
