My room smells like vodka and shame
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize
