rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
