I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
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The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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