so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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