Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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