mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
